Then, about two hours later I received a phone call from my oldest daughter's doctor. She had an EEG this past Monday for possible seizure activity. She went from having absolutely no health issues to having several seizure like episodes within a 3 week period. She has been diagnosed with Right Frontal Lobe Epilepsy. The word epilepsy scares me. It feels like someone is punching me in the gut when it is said. I was composed on the phone with the doctor, able to ask all of my questions. Of course I was in the car when I got the phone call, so as soon as we got home, I excused myself from the lunch table and did what any big girl would do...I locked myself in my room and started balling. The kind of cry someone could hear if they walked by the room, the kind where you gasp for air.
I have a network of friends that were following Erin's progression throughout the doctor's visits and I had sent them the latest news with the diagnosis. As I am crying, my phone is buzzing with texts from friends encouraging me and letting me know they are praying for me. A common thread among the texts is that God has a plan for Erin and this is all part of her story. I know very well about my children having their own faith story, and how this is her story, but as her mother it is part of my story. As I cried though, I told God, I'm tired of being part of the story. Why does this story have to be so hard?
For those that have known our family for some time, it is well-known that our middle daughter has quite a story of her own. She entered our family almost 8 years ago and completely changed all of us. She had open heart surgery at 10 weeks old and palate repair surgery at 2 years old. She was diagnosed with a chromosomal disorder at 2 years old. It is a very manageable disorder and she is doing extremely well, but it has been a long journey and continues to be. She has a story, a testimony of the Lord's faithfulness and through her journey, my story has been written.
I am no stranger to heartache, difficult times and medical issues, but that does not make this new diagnosis easier to swallow. Sometimes I want my story to be complete, I want to take what the Lord has taught me, use it to His glory, but not add any new material. But that is not how He works, and I know better than to ask for that. Every new part of the story, shows me a new part of Him. He is the main character in my story and He never fails to put on a star performance. Every time I am reminded how weak I am, He shows me how strong He is. He is the same yesterday before the diagnosis, he is the same today in my mother's heart weakness, and He will be the same tomorrow and only He knows what that looks like. I don't have to be strong every part of my story, I just have to be faithful to call on Him.
A dear mentor and faithful friend sent me these 2 Scriptures to pray over this situation. I am choosing not to fear, but to let my faith be bigger than my fear. I am claiming the truth of God's Word, and stopping the lies of Satan from entering. Please pray them with me, not just for me, but for those you know need truth spoken into their story.
