On the verge

    So I've been mulling over this post for a few days, too busy or too emotional to sit down and write.  Last Thursday I experienced one of those days where all day long I was on the verge of tears. Physically I shouldn't have had an excuse to be extra sensitive, but my mind wasn't convinced.  I did so well though, I held it in all day.  Then as I lay down for bed and my head hit the pillow, I couldn't hold it any longer and I began to weep. I think weeping is deeper than just crying.  It comes from a deep place within where there is complete and utter lack of control and reason.  It's one of those things that maybe we only do once a month, or as mom's maybe we are allowed to do a little more often.
   I wept, and that's okay because Jesus wept too.  I wept because I was at the end of my physical, emotional and spiritual strength.  I couldn't battle anymore, I couldn't pray anymore, all I could do is weep.  My husband was very supportive and gentle and allowed me to blubber about what it was that was bothering me.  He didn't have to ask many questions though because he already knows what it is.  We are walking this road together and he knows my deepest fears, my greatest joys and my highest dreams.  So we didn't have to talk much, just enough that I could spill my heart out and he could be strong for me.
   So I thought after my good session of weeping I would awaken the next morning to joy evermore.  Wrong...all weekend I was still on the verge of more tears.  I think God has me on the verge for a reason.  He has me at that very place where I need Him most.  In my own natural strength I can do nothing right now.  I'm completely out of control of the biggest circumstances in my life.  So I'm on the verge of something Big...I have to be.  So I'm choosing to fall...to my knees, on my face, in my tears.  I have to place complete and utter trust in the One who told me that He will never leave me or forsake me.  To cling to His promise that He is the everlasting God and He will not grow weary.  To know that "Splendor and Majesty are before Him, strength and joy in His dwelling place." 1 Chronicles 16:27. On Christ the solid rock I stand, even when I'm on the verge.