I often get frustrated when my husband is watching a sporting event at a restaurant while we are having dinner. It used to drive me crazy when we were dating and I would try to position us at the table so he didn't have a great view. It's nearly impossible though because there is a TV in every corner. I have a similar problem though, but it doesn't involve TV; it involves people watching, mother watching to be exact. I will instinctively watch families with children at restaurants. I can know an entire family's order and sum up their dynamics very quickly, all while enjoying dinner with my family. It's probably something I should seek help for and you're probably thinking that I should be more present with my own family! You are probably right, but I am a superior multi-tasker.
A couple of evenings ago, we stopped for an early dinner at Jason's Deli on our way home from a day at the waterpark. We have Jason's Deli down. I know everyone's order, there are no surprises and no complaining. It's nice to be in this stage of life where everyone can verbally express their desires and then proceed to get their own beverages and make their way to a table. Eating out has become a less stressful event over the last year, although more expensive, because they eat so much more!
As we had just settled into our table and I had strategically placed myself to face the rest of the restaurant, a young couple walked in the doors. Let me clarify, a young mother carrying a car seat in each arm with twin babies huffed and puffed in, while dad hobbled in on crutches. I immediately felt empathy for this woman I had never even seen before. I know men, and I'm sure his foot really did need to be wrapped up and he really did need to be on crutches, but I can imagine the tender loving care that woman has had to give that man over a hurt foot the last week. That alone would be enough to have me on the brink of a break down, and then to add twin babies on top of it.
So as they entered the restaurant, it was clear he had come from work as he was still in his military uniform, I imagined she was ready to get out of the house after a long day with two babies. She settled the babies in the booth as he sat down and then she went to order. As she returned to the table with the salad plates, her husband said something to her, I couldn't hear it because I do not have super power ears unfortunately. But whatever he said defeated her. She sat down put her hands on her temples and didn't move for a few good minutes. He may have just said, "Oh, you got me chicken noodle? I was going to have French Onion." It could have been, "You ordered me the salad bar, I just wanted a side salad." Whatever it was, the intention did not appear to be deflating her, but that is how she perceived it. As she is taking a moment to breathe and in my interpretations, "not lose her mind," cue baby #1 screaming. Yep, 2 empty salad plates, 2 empty drink cups, 1 man who can't move and 1 baby screaming because she is hungry.
So mom, who is visibly at the end of her rope, grabs the two bottles to go to the bathroom and fill them with water. Everything in me wanted to go into that bathroom with her, put my arms around her and let her cry. Then go back with her to her table and fill her drink cups, feed the babies, make her salad and let her go sit at another table by herself. That probably wouldn't have happened, but in my mind it made for a great story. She finally emerged from the bathroom, made the bottles, filled the drinks, made 2 salads, finally sat down just as the babies were finishing their bottles and baby #1 began to scream for more.
My husband had not seen this entire scene play out and I couldn't fully explain to him what I had seen until we left the restaurant. However he did hear the screams of baby #1 the entire dinner and we just had to giggle because our baby #3 used to do the same thing. We often remind her that when she was a baby she would scream when we went anywhere. Many meals were spent with one person in the car with the screaming baby and the other in the restaurant with 2 happy children still under the age of 5. I don't know which was the more preferred place to be.
So as we sat in Jason's Deli and listened to this baby screech, and I watched this tired momma do everything she could to hold it together, my heart ached for her. I wanted to tell her that this does get better. It's going to be hard for a couple of years, and you're going to want to give up, but you have to keep fighting. Cry, fuss, pout, and tell God that you can't do this day after day, but then get back up and keep doing it. Fight for joy in the middle of this crazy time, find peace in a quiet time with your Savior, ask for help, admit you're weak only to find out how strong you actually are. Noone expects you to be superwoman, so stop expecting yourself to be. Grant yourself grace and take each day one hour at a time. You are not alone, there are mothers surrounding you who have been where you are and know every feeling you are feeling. Reach out, talk about it, don't hide, embrace love.
Of course I didn't say any of those things, but I did walk over to her as we were leaving and simply told her that our baby #3 used to do the same thing as her baby #1 when we were in restaurants. Then as my baby #3 bounced over we told her that she is now the most joyful child you'll ever meet and smiles constantly, even underwater. This big smile came across her face and she simply asked, "So it does get better?" Yes tired momma, it does get better, and just know that I see you, you are not alone.
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