I returned from Guatemala two weeks ago today, along with my husband, oldest daughter and 12 other team members. Throughout the last two weeks I have been trying to steal away quiet moments to sit and reflect on all that I saw, learned and gleaned from this trip. This is a difficult task when it is the final weeks of summer and you have 3 children who want to ask you questions every time you sit down. Given all of the distractions of everyday life, I have done the best I can to seek out what the Lord taught me through this trip. I'd like to begin sharing a little of my story here and hopefully in a few more blog posts to come as I know this is a work in progress. I could not possibly sum up the magnitude of this trip in one blog post.
I believe a necessary element to the understanding of what God is doing in my life is to look back at where I've been and how far He has brought me. Growing up my best friend's dad. Dr. Lee, was a travelling evangelist. He still is to this day. He takes God's Word to the ends of the earth. My best friend went on several mission's trips with her dad. He would often tease me, with some seriousness, about when I was going to go on a trip with him. I simply would tell him that was not for me, I liked it here in America. Underneath that simple answer was a much greater issue, a lack of surrender to what God wanted for me.
I clearly remember thinking and possibly even saying out loud, I cannot go to the mission field because God might call me to be a missionary and that is not what I want to do. It feels terrible to write that and to know that for so long that is truly how I felt. I will not go, it's not my thing, I like America. That is raw transparency, but it is an accurate display of the condition of my heart. I knew from a young age that I was called to be a teacher. God made that calling perfectly clear to me and my parents. I also deeply desired to be married and be a mother. I did not see being a missionary to a foreign country as part of the plan or fitting in with my other plans, so I did not view going to the mission field as a priority. It was more of a kink in my plans.
Dr. Lee never pushed me to go. Ironically, the one trip I probably would have gone on was to Guatemala because my father and brother went on the trip, as well as my best friend. I do not recall if I ever considered going on the trip or if it was even an option, but looking back, I most likely could have gone with them and should have gone.
After making it through my high school years and not being called to be a missionary, I was feeling pretty good about my chances of escaping that calling. I attended Liberty University, Jerry Falwell's school. We went to convocation, which was like chapel, every Monday, Wednesday and Friday and attended Campus Church whenever it was offered. The funny thing about going to a Baptist Christian university is that they love to have altar calls. It seemed like every other church service the band would come up at the end of the service and play "I Surrender All". It is one of the classic altar call songs, and for that reason I believe one can sing every word of it and not mean any of it. I'm not sure why God chose one particular day to whack me over the head while I was singing that song. It was as if He bonked me and said, "Stop singing that song, you haven't surrendered it all to me." Ouch! If I haven't surrendered it all, what do I need to surrender. "GO....GO on a mission's trip, surrender this fear of being called to the mission field, just GO." Within a few weeks, I was signed up to go on a Spring Break Mission's Trip to Jamaica. If I was going to be called to be a missionary, Jamaica would not be a bad place to be!
Going to Jamaica was an amazing experience. It was hot, we did construction work, I got sick to my stomach, I took cold showers with frogs and it changed my life. A chain was released, a surrender was made. I saw God move in the lives of deaf children. I heard them sing praises to God with their hands and it was the most beautiful worship I had ever seen. I saw friends who were called to missions thrive in their element and feel their call even stronger. I did not return the same person, and I did not return called to the Mission Field oversees. God so clearly showed me that my own dorm room, dorm hall and circle of acquaintances is a mission field too. But, I had to GO when He tells me to go. I had to be willing to surrender to part of His will that is for all of us. He tells us in the Bible to go and preach the good news to all the ends of the earth. I was telling Him no, and He had to break that chain around my heart. I needed to learn how to be in complete surrender.
I have not gone on a foreign mission's trip since my sophomore year in college. The trip this Summer to Guatemala was the first time I considered going back to the mission field in 20 years. When our church announced 6 years ago that we would be partnering with Hope of Life in Guatemala and transforming a village, I knew it was a trip I would take one day. I was living my calling out though of being a mom to 3 little girls and going to the mission field was not a viable option. So I waited, I waited until God did it again and said, "GO....go see what I am doing." There was never a hesitation, there was never a fear in my heart that God might call me to be a missionary. There was only the absolute certainty of surrender. The best part is I didn't have to go alone, my husband and my 11 year old daughter wanted to come. Notice I said my 11 year old daughter WANTED to GO. She couldn't wait to go to Guatemala. There was not an ounce of fear in her, just excitement. I am so thankful she took the leap of faith to go at such a young age. Praise the Lord for her obedience to GO and see, serve, love, surrender.
Guatemala has a piece of my heart. No, I do not feel called to change my family's life and go live on the mission field. Yes, I do feel called to spread the news about the people in Guatemala and how much they need us to come, to see, to serve and to surrender. We can change their lives one person at a time, by changing our hearts and surrendering to God's will for us to go and preach His gospel, His life-giving message to the ends of the earth.
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